Baby number three?

Standard
Baby number three?

Hello all, a while since the last post but after two weeks of thinking i was itching to put it all down again.

So now I am thirty years old and until recently thought that my baby rearing days were behind me. I have been married eleven years and have two children. Leah at ten years old (who was the main reason our wedding came rushing forward, meaning I married at the tender age of 19) and Sam at age five, our should be spoilt young son and the apple of my eye. To cut a very long story short, both children were more me that wanted to have them than my hubby. Leah was a very careless surprise, the best mistake I’ve ever made and Sam I’d wanted since Leah was three but with being posted around in the army, financial and emotional restraints, it took us another five years to be ready for a baby. But last week Chris had a bit of a turnaround,we are hoping to extend our house this year and he thought it would be a nice idea to extend the family after the work is completed. Maybe, perhaps? He’s already telling me off for thinking about it so much but i can’t help it, I’m a deep thinker as we’ve established through the last seven blogs.

So first thought was but I’ve just got my life back!!! Although my job isn’t the best paid job, I’m really happy in what I do. I do my little routines, a bit of computer work, a bit of counting, popping counts on the system and I make sure we know what is where at what time, not brain surgery granted but my job is still important to the retailer, I matter to the team and I love the companionship of my colleagues in ‘retail super giant’ . Three of them I now count as my good friends and the rest are the best bunch of people i’ve ever worked with .So it’s fab to work alongside them everyday and get paid for it. I also love the fact I can now work in the day. I don’t work weekends or evenings and my children are at school so other than the childcare juggling through the school breaks I’m not caring for children and then going out to work on top of that. I’ve had to do this in the past and sorry guys I won’t change my opinion on the fact if you are raising children younger than the age of 5 you’ve already got a full-time job, everything else is extra! My husband is of the opinion that it’s hardly important and as he’s had a very successful couple of years with a promotion and in financial terms it doesn’t matter if I didn’t return to work after maternity leave. But that is another point with my job. The independence it gives me , it’s not lots of money but it’s enough to treat myself and the kids to those little luxuries, that no we don’t need but yes we’d really like, or to treat a friend to a meal or drinks out, or a nice birthday present or help to pay towards our foreign holidays. Although Chris is generous with me I don’t like the idea of talking through every purchase with him. That wore very thin in our younger years.  My job is my little piece of independence in my very dependent world so not returning to work would be I fear for the first time ever non negotiable! So that would mean paying childcare fees for the new little one to enable me to work. Again it sounds like no big deal but it would mean I wouldn’t have much money left over to spend or a big discussion insisting Chris should pay for childcare and he might just prefer to have his wife home to take care of the children. But then that is all temporary anyway as the little one would go to school at some point, so it would revert back to normal eventually. Wouldn’t it?

On the same subject, I’m now finding as the children get older, I’m much freer to enjoy personal pursuits. I can go off for a spa weekend with my friends or stay behind and chill on the sofa when the kids fancy accompanying their dad out and about. I attend zumba and aqua aerobics in the evenings with my mates and I can go out dancing/drinking if I fancy it knowing I can cope the next day a bit hungover. (there’s more babysitters as the children need less care too) A night out loses its glamour a little I find if you know you’re going to be up three times in the night!

The second thought was I really dislike tots and pre schoolers, i honestly save warehouse work for the early morning when the shop is filled to brim with crying, whining, snotty nosed toddlers, they leave me cold!  Although Sam seemed to miss the terrible twos out all together, he was a diamond. Could i face mum and tot’s groups again!!! Would I really have too?

Another thought is the amazing age gap i would have, would the kids really benefit from having each other and i would have spent a long time bringing up children by the time they leave, is that what i really want? By the time Leah is twenty the youngest would only be seven or eight would I be tired of mother hood by then?

Then it crossed my mind I might not be as fertile as I was so it might not happen, that would be ok it would mean that my decision is made for me but it could be disappointing if i was trying then it couldn’t happen. Also I would imagine I am slightly more likely to have a child with abnormalities being in my thirties by the time it could happen. Although I’m a massive believer in what happens is ment to be, there are added issues with having a child with disabilities, isn’t there?

n622346969_2533235_3577Plus the impact it puts on our relationship, both times when our children were small, we faltered, it became so much harder to maintain us among the family. I might be so tired that it impacts our sex life, which makes Chris grumpy and me feel like I’m failing as a wife.  Chris is still as free to come and go as he pleases. He’s never been a guy who would take the mick out of this but a weekend at the football might upset me more if i was unable to be quite so free. With his current job he’s away so much of the time I would need to cope with the sleepless nights alone quite often plus the early start with the school run and even earlier when I went back to work and the child needs to get to childcare.

Then there is the old body image issue, I’m so appallingly sick (I had sixteen weeks of sickness with Leah and thirty weeks with Sammy)  I don’t gain much weight when pregnant but this time would it turn my fairly firm waistline into a sack of jelly, I’ve been lucky with my skin going back to normal once I’ve lost the extra half stone but maybe I’ve pushed my luck as far as it will go. Good god will my vagina still tighten back up again, after three births?  Vain perhaps?  Normal worries definitely 😀

So I’m faced with this massive checklist of why not to do it. Yet when I read it back, I just get pictures of the past, my happiest memories. Meeting my babies when they were preciously new, the thrill of birth, the picture of my grandmother with the tiny baby in her wrinkled arms, seeing my babies when they are asleep and the happiness the children have given me every year when I’ve been planning Christmas day for the last ten years. I remember the kicks of pregnancy, their first words, the first day’s of school. I think of the people who mean most to me aside from Chris and the kids, my parents and my kid sister and I know family is the most precious gift I have in my life. I can already see flashes of the future surrounded by elderly parents, grown up children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren and it’s all I can do to wait for tomorrow. A dream or reality, huh?

Advertisements

About karaescapedfacebookdotcom

I am not a writer, fact. I am though a overthinker. So I have decided to keep a diary/blog as a therapy measure but open it up for others to read and comment on what interests me. Currently this is Counselling... I can be shallow, I can be analytical ,opinionated and fickle, I might think something of a morning and have changed my mind by the evening, I could be completely wrong. I obsess and I dramatise. This is my place to enjoy the freedom of the written word, if it really annoys you,don't read it. Feel free to comment how you really feel, I like to listen but bear in mind i don't deliberately set out to upset you, in my space I want to be honest, so you've been forwarned. Enjoy ;-D

11 responses »

  1. Just a thought to throw in on top of the discussions we’ve already had about this, Leah will be old enough to babysit!

  2. Kara, another fantastic blog very enjoyable.
    I think you should do what makes you happy.
    Your a fantastic mum. I will support you in whatever you choose in whatever way I can hopefully my new job will be more flexible and I can help out a lot more. Whatever will be will be but if I am honest I would like a new edition. But if it’s a girl her middle name should be kayleigh 🙂 x

  3. Hi kara,
    Follow your heart on this one but know that we are always free to help out baby sitting etc. As someone mentioned leah will be able to do this also soon, so thats a positive of the age gap. I love being part of your family and another niece/nephew would be great. As for work you will still be part of the team, will be there when ready to go back x

  4. I think it is very easy for the ‘man’ to want another baby, but it is the ‘woman’ who makes the sacrifices – body, work, life! Oh, they think they’re making sacrifices… Having had this recently thrown in my face that I didn’t have a ‘decent’ job beforehand, (and that’s why I stayed at home to bring up the kids – nothing about us both wanting US to bring up the kids instead of some stranger FFS!) it’s all my fault that I can’t get a mortgage and regain independence, I’d think very hard on what YOU want.

    It is YOUR body that will change. It is YOUR life that will change.

    You are very low risk at having a disabled child, especially as you have had two healthy babies. I had Ben at 31 and Kieran at 33.

    Another child will bring riches to your family, however, if life is comfortable, maybe it’s nicer to spoil the two children you do have.

    Maybe you do need to discuss with your husband what happens afterwards, that you’d like to go back to work.

    I don’t blame you for thinking long and hard about this. But don’t worry too much about it… you haven’t had the extension built yet lol! And Chris might change his mind…

    • Thanks Teresa defintely good to see it from all angles you never know if you’ll all be together forever.Although with us you know we’ve had problems before and discussed what would happen if we split then.So we kinda know what the process for us would be if we fell out of love. I also didn’t bring any money,property to our relationship so for me i have nothing to protect.I have no savings,funds,even my pension with Tesco has been barely open.We’re still discussing the what if’s and will continue until i decide what i’m doing.But i haven’t got a career to give up ethier,i don’t want to go any further with Tesco’s it’s just i like what i have, a nice cushy life perhaps.Also we may get refused planning permission yet,so that takes the whole plan away.So it’s still a maybe.

      • I do agree with your friend though, I don’t think you’d regret bringing another child in really. You learn to adapt and cope. Just don’t moan your vagina is stretched to buggery! lol!

  5. “You’ll never regret bringing another child into your family. you may regret not doing it”.
    Just something Wayne said to me when we were thinking of having Matthew, it was a tough time and it was not the outcome that we had hoped for but I don’t regret it not for one minute. xxx

    • I have been thinking the same thing Jo.I’ve noticed elderly people never seem to regret having too many children but many seem to regret not having enough it seems regardless of the amount they had.Matthew is gorgeous defintely worth all you’ve been through. Plus i’ll be back for mummy coffee mornings huh? ;-D

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s