Category Archives: Children

I’m Back!!!

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Well here we are again, who knew I’d find another use for this blog in the future hey?

I’m thinking I need to reintroduce myself ,as the person that wrote the previous blogs doesn’t exist anymore. Well it sure doesn’t feel like they’re me anyway but I didn’t want to delete them as they’re a memory of a much easier period of my life.

Well I’m back, with a totally new use for this wordpress blog. I intend to use it as my online life journal featuring my journey through Counselling Psychology and beyond…

Oh yes!! Mummy went back to school after she had that third child that was previously mentioned in the archives. In hindsight the timing of baby number three didn’t work out quite so well, but the beautiful little human being we decided to create is the apple of my eye even though she’s an absolute little menace. Yep, seriously the naughtiest one by far!!

So in a nutshell peeps I had an amazing 2013, a tiny, beautiful, spirited little girl appeared in my life and the family unit was completed. Unfortunately 2014 came along too quickly and my life pretty much fell apart.

I lost my brother, Matthew, suddenly and unexpectedly in the early hours of August 18th 2014  (coincidentally my new daughter’s 1st birthday). I don’t actually know where to start to express the depths of feeling I experienced over this period of my life, but it’s safe to say I’ve never felt pain like this. I would never see him again. Never, ever and that was an awful feeling that took weeks for me to even make sense of.

I’d made very little effort keeping in touch with Matthew and now the window of opportunity was gone forever. I loved my dear brother but the relationship was far from ideal. Matthew struggled choosing the right people to be in his life, and his choices meant I stayed away. Combined with my husband’s obvious disdain for Matthew, plus a busy family life I often pushed thoughts of visiting Matt into the ‘see him soon box’. Even down to forgetting his 40th birthday in the May of that year… I have no excuses apart from these and no one to blame apart from myself.

Over the past year, I had to work through these feelings of loss, support my bewildered family as best I could from my own grief cloud, oh and pretend that everything was fine for my husband and children’s sake. As feelings of this depth were a struggle in this family unit, I’m really sad to say.

I turned inwards, perhaps some days it wasn’t even obvious that I was changing but I was and there was no choice. Without trying to patronise readers, I have to say without a loss in a similar remit you cannot know how this feels. I’m sure people believe they can but they can’t. I’ve always been a deeply empathetic personality and I pick up peoples’ feelings when engaged in an connective moment with them. But this I had seen but could not even imagine the darkness I later felt…

This turned out to be the start of a transition period for me, change quietly followed despair. It’s where I found the real me breaking out of the me I’d created. I knew I would only be happy again if I took some life lessons from this experience.

Matthew never fulfilled his potential and life was hard for him. His dreams of being a musician in the Army band were dashed early on due to his deafness. (He failed his medical) In today’s education system I imagine he would have received support through school as I do feel he perhaps had a mild learning difficulty. But in his day the support was few and far between. Boredom and being easily led didn’t lead him into the best life and he ended up in a situation of long term unemployment due to a work related injury. I’m not going to delve into his life any further than that, as this is on the internet and I feel that would be disrespectful as Matthew was a private man. He was happy enough when he was deep sea fishing but I’m unsure as to how happy he was generally. This feeling rang warning bells in my own head.

Soul searching started me onto a path of personal analysis, I was in a privileged position unlike Matthew, I’d married young but chosen well. I had a hard working, ambitious, successful husband who loved me dearly and three beautiful children, close extended family and plenty of friends who ‘got me’. Plus a nice enough job with a great team of people.

Again I’m not going to delve to deeply into my personal life as it’s not just my story, but in a nutshell although I loved my husband, I felt my emotional needs weren’t being met. I felt my interests, my sacrifices and me as an individual had little; if any respect in my family unit. There was no room for personal growth, development or change and we were as a couple starting to lack any interests or point of views in common, I felt. There was also an element of me getting more emotional support from other relationships than I did in my marriage.

Rightly or wrongly I ended my fifteen year marriage and my seventeen year relationship in June this year. Incredibly sad and I’m still carrying the raw trauma of this, alongside serious guilt and now an anxiety condition to boot.

Although this is by far the decision with the most difficult consequences/impact on others as well as myself I’ve ever made, not all my personal changes have been negative.

I’ve now got a stunning feminine tattoo to remind myself to be true to me, I’ve got my second driving test coming up in January and I work more and the balance between raising my children and going to work suits me a lot better.

I’m finally doing something I’ve dreamed of for a long time and I have gone back into education. I hope to have a career rather than a job in a few years and I intend to do whatever it takes to get it.

This is my intention behind blogging again. I’m going to use this blog as a counselling psychology student’s online journal and incorporate my study into my spiritual life too.

On that note, Matthew’s death is where my spiritual journey began.

A little exploration and discussion with a friend who was stumbling up a pagan path of his own at the time, a vaguely pagan mother’s influence plus the completely different way I perceived everything around me inevitably lead me to a crossroads in life. Blinding pain slowly turned into acceptance of the power of life, death and all the magic that lies in between.

With this came the birth of my Facebook ‘Free Spirited Soul Tribe Community Group’ with it’s first name ‘Free Spirited Pagan Community Group’. A group for myself and an old friend of mine, to explore in more depth what we were starting to learn about on various other groups.

We wanted a more relaxed group without the conflict we saw in the other ones’, a place to share our interests with like minded people, and to learn in company.

One year later people must have liked the idea, as it’s standing 2000 members strong, with lots of beautiful photography, inspired artwork, plenty of mythology, and a warm friendly place with the balance of a bit of darkness for people to tune into on Facebook. Plus the added bonus of spiritual support and advice in whatever subject matter’s to the individual. (I love this I’ve always been a bit of an agony aunt!)

I started off with a year and a day to explore a new faith, previously I have had a dabble with divination, in the form of tarot cards and I grew up with pagan festivals without being aware of what they really were. So delving into the pagan word felt like I was coming home in a way. A way to focus on something when the rest of the world held no comfort for me anymore.

The wheel of the year looked the best place to start; so starting with the autumn equinox or Mabon to others, I set to exploring each turn in my own way, lots of research and rewriting for my group. I started to feel the energy of nature and the magic of Gaia (our mother Earth) fairly early on and now often you’ll find me turning to her for healing.  Sitting under the stars never fails to relax me no matter how crap my day is… I discovered I felt a pull to the elements and in particular water, which I felt reflected me at that time. I’m fairly balanced but the water element was slightly stronger in me at that point..I still draw energy from being near it, although I’m finding very recently that I seem to feel more like the fire within me has come to the surface. I’m bringing things together in the last few months, I’ve found my strength.

This initial interest, that started with The Wheel Of The Year and The Elements, lead me to exploring astrology also. My natal chart was fascinating and I like to explore other people’s charts too.

Being drawn to the moon cycles fairly quickly pulled me at first into the Wicca realm. I still enjoy lots of aspects about this tangent but it’s no longer the main pull within my faith.

Right from the start, shamanic ideas held a beautiful simplistic truth for me, this particular interest is growing within me. I particularly love the concept of the dream walking and shadow work still now.

The darkness in me is very attracted to some of the fundamental concepts of Lucifernarism . The walking in your own power a particular favourite of mine.

All in all now I identify with only my own path, my interests are too varied to tag myself in anymore so I just say ‘I’m a kooky sort of Pagan’ if asked.

I’m here to eventually help people, with the healing I do best I believe…Which is to listen to you, walk your path with you for a while when it gets lonely, and perhaps help you bring yourself into a good alignment with your spiritual self. Too many of us live with the ego and don’t experience the peace and beauty that being our true self can bring. This is where I’d like to incorporate my study with my spirituality and turn it into a career.

Although I’ve had a lot on my plate this last year, all in all I do feel stronger and more in my own power.

So now the introduction is done I’m going to share my lesson journey on here and then onto my blog page on my website ‘The Free Spirited Soul Tribe Community UK.’  For those interested in either my spirituality, my career path or just me, do check in and have a look about.

Happy reading people, please feel free to communicate with me as much as possible please. I love to hear your feedback.

Kara xxx

Flirty 30’s

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Flirty 30’s

I have to say after browsing the world of facestalk for the third time this morning and seeing a fair few status from classmates depicting turning 30, I thought I’d share my view of life in my 30th year.

First you need to know me as a person before i get on with the topic at hand. I am a little vain,quite self obsessed, if truth be known.  I have had regular weight battles and serious bad skin days. Yup you heard right bad skin days, I have bad skin days as opposed to bad hair days. When you have hair like mine, that is neither curly nor straight,and has a double crown, every day is a bad hair day. I don’t even notice it much if truth be known, so I have bad skin days.

I have spent my school days cursing my thick legs, short stature and small boobs. My teen years wishing I was tall, slender and blond like my then boyf’s idea of perfection and my 20’s on diet and exercise regime’s to melt my post baby curves and turn me into Mila Kunis. As she is brunette and shortish it must be possible right?  Right?

So in fact I’ve decided I really like being 30. My 20’s rushed by,we moved,and moved and moved. Everytime we got a home to our taste it was time to move. It was not a bad time, but it was a busy time. I learnt who I was in my 20’s. I built a relationship with a man I didn’t know, we grew up together and went through some crazy up’s and down’s but learnt to love each other properly. (we still fight and it’s ok) I added two beautiful, unique children to the world and set on my journey of bringing them up and looking after them until they’re ready to set out on their own journey. I made parenting mistakes, learnt how to be a parent and realised what it takes to be a mother.

Physically I’d never thought I made the grade for a good-looking 20-year-old and this was a source of a lot of my discontent, but at 30 I’m feeling a lot less pressure. Crazy really because I actually looked quite acceptable and didn’t make the most of it!  My 30-year-old friends look like 30-year-old friends even the ones with the tightest bodies’ are not really much competition for the 18-25 something girl, anymore. Well at least in the looks department, that the celeb magazine’s value,that is!

It’s ok though. We feel like women. I am a woman. I know me. I can cope with my depressive/anxiety states. I have  the life experience and the mad stories to keep people entertained over a dinner table. That seems to come with age. I have complete sexual confidence. I respect my vagina,it respects me. Most of the time 😉  I have lived abroad (and decided the best place is home ) I have long-term relationships/friendships with some amazing unique people,that have the depth of history made together. My hubby’s parent’s and my parent’s are still young enough to enjoy life along with us, and I’m seeing them as people in their own right not as only an addition to me.

My son and my best friend’s daughter now play in our garden (we have been friend’s since eight years old),with their siblings as we watch on. Precious moment’s I hope I remember for ever. Our friendship goes on.

Yeah my 30’s are going to see a new me. I believe I’m finally starting to develop body confidence which is in no relation to my diet and exercise habits. I’ve earned my mummy tiger stripes literally and I think it’s time for me to wear them with pride rather than hiding my body away, worried that someone will comment. When all said and done, I’m very lucky. I’m healthy, I’m slim enough (bmi is in check,which is how I like it), with a little waist and bloody good boobs (they grew :-D), so who cares about my bingo wings and fat thighs. My friends don’t, my husband doesn’t. I’ve still got a pretty face, with big beautiful eyes and I like to see the age changing my face in the pictures of me and my children (who get bigger and bigger), year by year. I feel a whole person, which sounds mad,but that’s how I feel.

I wonder what I will learn in the next ten years, what will I experience before I’m 40.What could happen next? I love being 30, don’t  you?

Baby number three?

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Baby number three?

Hello all, a while since the last post but after two weeks of thinking i was itching to put it all down again.

So now I am thirty years old and until recently thought that my baby rearing days were behind me. I have been married eleven years and have two children. Leah at ten years old (who was the main reason our wedding came rushing forward, meaning I married at the tender age of 19) and Sam at age five, our should be spoilt young son and the apple of my eye. To cut a very long story short, both children were more me that wanted to have them than my hubby. Leah was a very careless surprise, the best mistake I’ve ever made and Sam I’d wanted since Leah was three but with being posted around in the army, financial and emotional restraints, it took us another five years to be ready for a baby. But last week Chris had a bit of a turnaround,we are hoping to extend our house this year and he thought it would be a nice idea to extend the family after the work is completed. Maybe, perhaps? He’s already telling me off for thinking about it so much but i can’t help it, I’m a deep thinker as we’ve established through the last seven blogs.

So first thought was but I’ve just got my life back!!! Although my job isn’t the best paid job, I’m really happy in what I do. I do my little routines, a bit of computer work, a bit of counting, popping counts on the system and I make sure we know what is where at what time, not brain surgery granted but my job is still important to the retailer, I matter to the team and I love the companionship of my colleagues in ‘retail super giant’ . Three of them I now count as my good friends and the rest are the best bunch of people i’ve ever worked with .So it’s fab to work alongside them everyday and get paid for it. I also love the fact I can now work in the day. I don’t work weekends or evenings and my children are at school so other than the childcare juggling through the school breaks I’m not caring for children and then going out to work on top of that. I’ve had to do this in the past and sorry guys I won’t change my opinion on the fact if you are raising children younger than the age of 5 you’ve already got a full-time job, everything else is extra! My husband is of the opinion that it’s hardly important and as he’s had a very successful couple of years with a promotion and in financial terms it doesn’t matter if I didn’t return to work after maternity leave. But that is another point with my job. The independence it gives me , it’s not lots of money but it’s enough to treat myself and the kids to those little luxuries, that no we don’t need but yes we’d really like, or to treat a friend to a meal or drinks out, or a nice birthday present or help to pay towards our foreign holidays. Although Chris is generous with me I don’t like the idea of talking through every purchase with him. That wore very thin in our younger years.  My job is my little piece of independence in my very dependent world so not returning to work would be I fear for the first time ever non negotiable! So that would mean paying childcare fees for the new little one to enable me to work. Again it sounds like no big deal but it would mean I wouldn’t have much money left over to spend or a big discussion insisting Chris should pay for childcare and he might just prefer to have his wife home to take care of the children. But then that is all temporary anyway as the little one would go to school at some point, so it would revert back to normal eventually. Wouldn’t it?

On the same subject, I’m now finding as the children get older, I’m much freer to enjoy personal pursuits. I can go off for a spa weekend with my friends or stay behind and chill on the sofa when the kids fancy accompanying their dad out and about. I attend zumba and aqua aerobics in the evenings with my mates and I can go out dancing/drinking if I fancy it knowing I can cope the next day a bit hungover. (there’s more babysitters as the children need less care too) A night out loses its glamour a little I find if you know you’re going to be up three times in the night!

The second thought was I really dislike tots and pre schoolers, i honestly save warehouse work for the early morning when the shop is filled to brim with crying, whining, snotty nosed toddlers, they leave me cold!  Although Sam seemed to miss the terrible twos out all together, he was a diamond. Could i face mum and tot’s groups again!!! Would I really have too?

Another thought is the amazing age gap i would have, would the kids really benefit from having each other and i would have spent a long time bringing up children by the time they leave, is that what i really want? By the time Leah is twenty the youngest would only be seven or eight would I be tired of mother hood by then?

Then it crossed my mind I might not be as fertile as I was so it might not happen, that would be ok it would mean that my decision is made for me but it could be disappointing if i was trying then it couldn’t happen. Also I would imagine I am slightly more likely to have a child with abnormalities being in my thirties by the time it could happen. Although I’m a massive believer in what happens is ment to be, there are added issues with having a child with disabilities, isn’t there?

n622346969_2533235_3577Plus the impact it puts on our relationship, both times when our children were small, we faltered, it became so much harder to maintain us among the family. I might be so tired that it impacts our sex life, which makes Chris grumpy and me feel like I’m failing as a wife.  Chris is still as free to come and go as he pleases. He’s never been a guy who would take the mick out of this but a weekend at the football might upset me more if i was unable to be quite so free. With his current job he’s away so much of the time I would need to cope with the sleepless nights alone quite often plus the early start with the school run and even earlier when I went back to work and the child needs to get to childcare.

Then there is the old body image issue, I’m so appallingly sick (I had sixteen weeks of sickness with Leah and thirty weeks with Sammy)  I don’t gain much weight when pregnant but this time would it turn my fairly firm waistline into a sack of jelly, I’ve been lucky with my skin going back to normal once I’ve lost the extra half stone but maybe I’ve pushed my luck as far as it will go. Good god will my vagina still tighten back up again, after three births?  Vain perhaps?  Normal worries definitely 😀

So I’m faced with this massive checklist of why not to do it. Yet when I read it back, I just get pictures of the past, my happiest memories. Meeting my babies when they were preciously new, the thrill of birth, the picture of my grandmother with the tiny baby in her wrinkled arms, seeing my babies when they are asleep and the happiness the children have given me every year when I’ve been planning Christmas day for the last ten years. I remember the kicks of pregnancy, their first words, the first day’s of school. I think of the people who mean most to me aside from Chris and the kids, my parents and my kid sister and I know family is the most precious gift I have in my life. I can already see flashes of the future surrounded by elderly parents, grown up children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren and it’s all I can do to wait for tomorrow. A dream or reality, huh?

Motherhood and the less maternal mother.

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Motherhood and the less maternal mother.

I really dislike toddlers and pre schoolers.There i’ve put it in print.As harsh as it looks,it’s still true.

I’ve had my usual friday shift at work at the local ‘retail super giant’ which means i work untill one rather than twelve .It has dragged with a morning full of investigating our stock levels. This is the second day running I’ve concentrated on this task,but as boring as this may have been  (although not as bad as my most hated job of counting the frozen stock *shivers and grimaces*) when the onslaught of the children finishing preschool with their overtired mothers and baby/toddler brothers and sisters arrived,I was left counting my lucky stars to be pottering in my little shop with adult company.

I do have children.I have two of the most opposite children you would ever meet.

Leah who is sometimes refered to as ‘the evil one’ by her father is ten years old.

Leah came into the world already angry at the fact she was here.She was two weeks overdue,with a screwed up face and would scream 80% of the time.She suffered from colic,dairy intolerance and caught some horrible gastric bugs on a recurrent basis.She rolled,sat up,crawled and walked early.I think this was bourne out of sheer frustration rather than ability. When she conquered something she would instantly start whining about the next thing she wanted to do.She had/has the concentration span of a knat and didn’t play with toys for any amount of time until she discovered electronics. The terrible twos started at 18 months for Leah and I suspect never ended as she still jumps up and down screaming at the world, if things don’t go her way.She uses no as her default answer,she revels in pointing out that your arse/tum has got bigger or that you look rough, the only real difference to her tantrums is now she also slams doors and wishes she or you dead as well as the screaming. Its also a much bigger job dragging her to school when she doesn’t want to go,as I discovered last week.( I’m only 5ft nothing,I think she might have realised!) I had Leah in Germany and I found the first few years of her life tramatic.As much as I loved her I found adjusting to being a wife and young mother,as well as being a long way from home and a support network,hard. I remember bus journeys that Leah cried all the way there and all the way back from wherever we went. I remember my hubby and my first adult outing after she was born.A paid babysitter endured three hours of Leah’s night time crying and then phoned us as we were checking out the sweet menu to come home,as she couldn’t bear any more and she knew ‘kids’. On the plus side Leah was always so exhausted from all the screaming she slept through the night at six months.Her personailty is still a strong one.The good thing now though is that she knows right from wrong and being so strong-willed she won’t be persuaded to do anything silly,I hope . Although volatile, she is a very sensible young girl who is very social and makes friends very easily.She’s also got quite a wicked sense of humour when she’s in the right mood and i enjoy her conversation. You might think my daughter may have coloured my view on children but five and a half years later,Sam happened.

Sammy also affectionately known as ‘the mule/muley'( he didn’t look like a Samuel as a newborn so I decided that I’d call him by the second part of his name.I don’t remember why and it just stuck) is approaching five years old. He is a little ray of sunshine.His baby years were a fantastic time.Sam rarely cried and was the most placid baby/lad that you ever would meet.He smiles and laughs easily and is amazed by the world around him.I now had family and friends close by and hubby and myself are a well established couple and old hand parents. I figured Sam must have been sent to me to prove children can be enjoyed rather than endured.He took ages to move, simply because he had absolutely no desire to go ‘over there’ when he was quite happy ‘right here’.His terrible twos went without a mention, although it was around this time he discovered the word no and on the rare occasion he really doesn’t want to do something,he won’t and there’s really nothing you can say or do that will change that.But these were few and far between and when he smiles at you,you’re likely to give in anyway.Sam’s only real defect was quite a large one though,he didn’t sleep through the night until he had turned three years old.When he was a little baby this was an excuse to have a sneaky cuddle with him or he woild just lie there watching his cot mobile quietly but later on,he used it as a good opportunity to do something.Such as the time he got  out of bed and rubbed sudocreme into his new carpet! Or he would absail off his chest of drawers and run up and down the landing for a bit until we put a stair gate on his bedroom door.

There’s definitely no question,I don’t lack maternal instinct with ethier of my children.I love my children but children en masse send shivers down my spine.The exception i have to this is I love newborns for that first six months,they’re awesome.Even crying ones.

Toddlers on the other hand really don’t make any sense to me.They have developed the maximum amount of motor skills but absolutely no common sense.Although i love the tots in my life it’s more for what they were and what they will be then what they are right now. A phase to be endured ;-D I still find it hard to watch my friend’s tot’s rubbing crisps into my sofa,and throwing juice cups around the clean living area.I find it difficult to keep my sense of humour when i watch them get my sons toys out over the floor to merely walk over.I dislike finding fingerprints over the glass and constant cbeebies droning on in the background.

And having more than one over at a time,forget it!! I think nursery workers are underpaid. I’d rather clean toilets for a living.Sam’s 4th birthday was prime example of why.I thought by just having one child over it would be a walk in the park,it may have been If I’d asked a different child perhaps. After an exhaustive three hours of having my fake smile in place,while said child had ordered Sam about,hogged all the toys,shouted, screamed and ran around for no reason,i was done. Once the party tea was over and the candles blown out, he was quickly rushed back home.To be fair to me, by this time my husband had nearly lost his eye from the third time said child had stuck a plastic sword in it and i’d had quite enough,thank you.

I also couldn’t care less about the best pureed food manufacturers,cloth nappies vs disposable’s and I’ve never felt the need to buy a micro scooter for my children to get them ready for the normal kind.I sometimes say swear words in front of my kids and I’m so glad I won’t sing a potty song again for a long time,unless of course I’ve managed to consume one too many jagermeister shots and I’m singing to my own vagina.

If this is not bad enough,the only thing I hate more than small children en masse would have to be  small children en masse with their ridiculous mothers. I am really,really glad to see the end of mum and tots groups.These were the one’s I felt I had to attend for my children’s sake although I’m still not sure if they,in particular the old style ones gave the kids any worthwhile skills at all. We all know the ones, they have the headless dolls,grubby blocks and puzzles with missing bits for the children to play with. So you leave your clean,comfy house to sit in a grubby hall with the precious’ mums,who like to judge you on your lack of breast-feeding ability. To be fair I was shit,three days with the first,i didn’t bother with the second and as time has passed,I no longer feel any guilt,sorry! Although i did manage to push both babies out in under five hours with minimal hospital intervention,so pat on the back for me,huh?

I must admit i did feel secretly vindicated the day my son gave a rather lazy mother’s daughter a smack after she tried to pull a soft block away from him,for the tenth time. I’m not sure my true feelings didn’t show on my face but then again I didn’t really care what said mother  thought. She really should have been watching her own kid rather than letting strangers do it for her, while she was busy preaching ‘they have to learn to share’ all the while sat on her fat arse.It wasn’t sharing really, was it? It was more your child taking whatever was in my childs hands.Not really the same thing!  No wonder Sam lost his temper. There was definitely better client’s at the boogie beats/tumble tots type ones.I think they only attracted the mums that like to move! But I’m still glad they’re all behind me.

So I guess all in all I’m not a perfect mother.Or I have learnt the secret to being a mother. I aim for good enough without losing myself in the process. Surely good enough 100% of the time sure beats being a textbook mum 50% of the time meanwhile verging on a breakdown for the other  50% of the time? Over to you.

Benefits why work?

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Benefits why work?

I opened a letter  this week, it was to inform our family that we no longer fit the criteria for any family tax credit payments, so the £30 we received every four weeks, for our two children will cease. After slight annoyance, well £30 is £30 after all, i had to admit to myself with our country’s current economic crisis it seems quite fair than the state need to cut outgoings somewhere. We are a family with two working parents, my husband has a well paid job as a full time control systems engineering accounts manager and I’m currently working at ‘retail super giant’ as a stock controller. So the £30 would not make a great amount of difference, so it should probably be put to better use elsewhere in the community.

Wandering into work the next morning at ‘retail super giant’ I had a discussion with one of my colleagues about the tax credit’s system and we got onto the subject of child benefit.

Chancellor George Osborne has said child benefit for higher rate taxpayers will be removed,at some point. A point I was aware from an old conversation I had discussing finances with my hubby. Chancellor George Osborne has also said ‘We’re very clear that it is fair that those who are better off in our society make a contribution to the saving of money we need to make… so we will be removing child benefit from higher rate taxpayers. On reflection this sounds fair doesn’t it? In practice I’m not sure how fair it is.

The Coalition have said that nearly 70,000 households in England are receiving more than  £26,000 a year in benefits. Ministers also said that this figure is equivalent to a working person having a £35,000  pre-tax salary. They were actually discussing this as a separate issue to the one i’m talking about.They were saying that no family should be receiving more than that in benefits, but i have used the figure to get my point across for this blog.

The cut of the child benefit and family tax credits proposed would not just include our top earners in England.  (such as those footie players,how can you earn so much kicking a ball,answers on a postcard please?)  There will also be planned cuts to a working families’ income who earn only slightly above the 35,000 annual pre tax salary, so in retrospect people earning only slightly above what another family receive in benefits, will lose their children’s child benefit and the small amount of family tax credit but a family receiving the the same income  in handouts will get to keep their family tax credit and the child benefit they have.

So tell me why are benefits paying so much to the lower-income workers? Are we a secret communist state, because I don’t think that tends to work in practice? Add into this the family who would lose out especially would be the stay at home parent with the partner earning a good income of £44,000 because she would lose her child benefit for all her children but the couple both earning £22,000 each would still receive it,how is that fair? If you take from one family shouldn’t you take from the other, family too? I would have thought the money is the same amount, it goes equally as far.

I’m honestly believe that everyone deserves a warm home, plenty of food to eat, electricity and running water no matter what you earn, if that means the stronger members of the community need to support the more vulnerable members of the community from their taxes. Then so be it. What I don’t believe in though, is that middle earning families should be paying higher rate taxes and receiving no benefits so slightly lower-income families can benefit from the same income without earning it.

Where is the incentive to study hard, go into further education, work longer hours or push for that promotion? A person earning that money would have studied for a number of years to gain valuable qualifications, he might risk life and limb to do his job, maybe she works 60+ hours a week.

In England you might as well remain unmarried, both work 16 hours in the easiest job you can find and receive the rest of the finances needed to have a family income of £35,000, on tax credits. Factor into that only low-income and single parent families are entitled to the 70% paid childcare element of the working families tax credit as well, there’s no big wonder why the middle earning families are becoming bitter, is there?

Surely it would have been better to introduce a subsidy for the childcare therefore encouraging more parents to work, meaning more taxes, which equates to more money back in the economy? Personally I would have loved to go back to work after my son was born but because we couldn’t afford the childcare fees I had to work anti social evenings and half six starts on alternative weekends for a few years instead to make that extra bit of money that takes family life from basic to fun.

Also one extra little point the tax credit was originally brought in as a bit of your tax (only if you paid some) paid back for the tax payers with children. When did it turn into a code for welfare payment?

Don’t get me wrong, I understand that families where the parents have a disability, a chronic medical problem or broken families that need a bit of support to get back on their feet, should always get looked after but i do wonder if some of the money is in the wrong place. Added to that I believe if you can afford one child you have one, you don’t have six and expect a bigger house paid for with housing benefit, its crazy, isn’t it?!

Respect in the community.

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Respect in the community.

I’m really quite sure that my wonderings over the last two days may not appeal to every friend of mine that had a laugh reading ‘a confident vagina’ but this blog to me was going to be more of a diary,a thought diary if you will or a bucket to tip conversations i have with myself out of my head.I have the tendency to go over and over the same thoughts constantly,so it’s my bit of therapy.We can always talk boobies another day?

I’m angry about something and I want to write about it,so that’s exactly what im going to do.You were not kidding,Teresa Morgan when you said this blog stuff is addictive 😉

So ok, i was at work wed when a neighbour ,and I suppose colleague if you like, as she works for the same company albeit at another store,wanders in and we have a chat. She was chatting about her family,some recent holiday plans, quite run of the mill stuff really,so i asked her how was work going? I might add here that,i think we’ll call her Lana to respect her privacy,Lana has what society would call a learning disability, an easy tag to describe individuals who don’t fit the box of what is perceived as the norm,i think. Lana has confided to me that she has had developmental delays growing up,she finds social interaction difficult and classes herself as a vulnerable adult now she’s in her mid twenties. Although she is very warm and friendly with people she knows,she find’s it hard to initiate a conversation with people she doesn’t know.

Anyway she instantly dropped eye contact and stared up towards the ceiling but looked really sad. Lana has worked in her job for a number of years and seemed very content there,it’s what got us chatting in the first place really,that and our mutual love of gummy sweets. She said she might have to ‘change things there.’ I did question what had changed as she’d seemed happy there in the past. To which she replied telling me she had a new colleague. Lana felt that the person in question is treating her like’ she’s different’ this is her own words,she felt he had been sending her to do things,that had been done and laughing with another colleague at Lana’s efforts. I felt so sad for her,as Lana has struggled other the years with what i would call bullying.Plenty of unkind remarks,laughing at her expense and social exclusion from her peer group,but her job was always a big positive in her life. I have encouraged her to set up a meeting with a store manager so hopefully the problems will get resolved in her case.I’m kind of hoping the horrible individual get’s fired or some poetic justice might come back and smack him in the face or someone else makes him feel like the ignoramus that he is and/or punches him in the face.

But it makes me question society as a whole really,I have heard a friends thankfully ex partner,a grown man of 30 plus years shout out names such as ‘freak’ at Lana and had to have a serious discussion with a friend of my daughters about respecting human rights and everyone being very different but that being an amazing thing, after inappropriate behaviour towards her too. I understand children will always question life and differences but we as parents and as a community have a responsibility to protect and uphold the rights of everyone in it,don’t we? A responsibility to educate our children about differences and appropriate behaviour towards people in our community? Why do so many people not give a shit or even worse exploit others or use them for a joke. Its prejudice isn’t it? Just a heads up,I don’t think it’s funny at all!!!

Kara escaped facebook.com

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Hello peeps.

Ok i have decided after leaving yet another ridiculously long comment on another Facebook friend’s status update,to set up my own blog.To be honest with you world, it’s an experiment, borne out of the idea Kara Dormer Facebook user is boring the living daylights out of the my average Facebook friend.I ‘m not sure if I have the commitment or desire to become a furiously dependant blogger but maybe, just maybe this is the platform i need to be able to analyse and make sense of the world or make sense of me,or just to let off steam when i don’t agree with you and then agree with myself when I’m the only person to read it back 😀

Today’s thought patterns are fairly mundane as i have had a peaceful day,with a routine stint at work,a few household chores and the intellectual stimulation of Closer magazine,Coach Trip and Come Dine With Me in that order. There has not been the usual earthquake of my volatile daughter and no emotive conversations or family happenings to speak off ethier,which I’m happy with, as you may come to see this is not altogether the norm for me!

I may mention it’s also valentines day today,not that its featured in my day other than counting the slightly larger box of malteasers that we sell at a ‘ large retail super giant’ that i work for as a stock controller. But i felt a duty to comment on it as it seems to be a bigger issue for other couples that are not us. Neither my husband or myself with win any romance awards,so we decided to ‘not bother’. Putting our cash towards something worthwhile such as our forthcoming holiday or paying my outstanding balance on my ‘new teeth’. The whole idea i find is a bit contrived. Although i love my husband dearly (unless i happen to be near that time of the month or he’s left crumbs on the surfaces again that is,in that case i may well be ‘leaving him’)  i find romance at best amusing, at worse downright awkward and then to be told to show it on a certain day,well i can’t see that happening,this is shades of my dear mother i feel!

So getting to the point…of todays blog .It’s stemmed from a short Facebook comment regarding the same sentiment I’ve seen repeated page after page of Facebook statuses and real human conversation. Sentimental touching musings from one loving young mother about the sadness of looking through old photos of her young children,realising that time is passing by and facing a fear that the future can’t possibly  be as special as the last few years which have been her children’s valued first few years. Where does this come from i wonder? Is this a biological trait evolved for us to continue making children? Even when most mothers are stretched to their limits and have no more time,money or patience to spare on further children,they still feel sad about not having more?  And here I’m not talking about the mother in question,but all the mothers that ask that question. I have replied with what i felt was a kind point out of all the wonderful things still to come,like first crush,first big tooth appearing ect but looking at it now I’ve managed to also point out the worst thing’s about having babies,tots and pre schoolers such as nappies,skiddy knickers,sticky hand prints on the windows,tantrums and I could go on. Which has all led me to my blog. About me. Why is it i need to point out the bad in children? Or disagree with a heartfelt status of someone i barely know? It’s not really that i want to talk,i do that enough with my family,my few close friends and numerous acquaintances and colleagues at ‘retail super giant’, if it’s anything I sometimes desire its more peace and quiet time,not more people to ‘chat too.’ So maybe it’s because I want to write or I want you to listen? So here goes……….