Surviving the coronavirus lockdown.

This is the first time I’ve put my coronavirus thoughts into written words for a week. What is happening?

Well the government measures have strengthened, with the British public only being allowed to leave home for; one exercise session a day, essential shopping for us or a vulnerable person and key workers to go to work and back. 

For our family the release of the financial support (in particular the 80% wages paid through companies but by the government) gave us some much needed relief from my original gut wrenching panic, of ‘ how are we going to pay the rent’. Combined with this and some clever budgeting we shouldn’t be made homeless by the crisis.

But I feel that for a lot of us this was just the most pressing worry rather than the only problem, I found out from the robust information released a week later, than in fact I was a person at higher risk of complications due to my lifelong asthma condition.

The government have issued the advice that on top of everyone being instructed to follow social distances measures that a high risk person, needs to self isolate for a 12 week period with the people I live with ‘shielding’ me further with strict measures themselves. This for us has caused a severe upward spike in our anxiety and related mental health conditions in the household plus our extended family.

Primarily I panicked, phoned husband insisting he speaks to his manager, putting himself forward for the furlough straight away. I didn’t feel that he was quite understanding that for me, the coronavirus could well mean a spell in an understaffed hospital that doesn’t have enough equipment. This was what the headlines and news channels were bombarding the public with at this time. Having rectified this my husband was home by the end of the day, but we had more to consider with our children’s welfare…

My three children live with us full time, the eldest an 18 year old has fairly severe mental health issues (Borderline Personality Disorder, stages more severe than my own) combined with being higher functioning ASD. (Asperger’s Syndrome) Then I have a nearly 13 year old son and a six year old daughter, both of which are listened under the SENCO teams at their respective schools. Autistic traits and memory problems meaning they need a little more support than the neurotypical children with their lessons.

In addition to this my husbands two daughters, aged 14 and 8, have two different mothers that are support workers (therefore key workers) caught right in the middle of our country’s crisis. He had to make the serious decision of either having his daughters to live here, adjusting to a completely different family set up or having a period of separation where we would only be able to video message each other. Neither case is without stress, I might add and these stresses are typical of the blended family unit.

The younger daughter we share 50/50 custody with Mum and the eldest we have had a trial period of her living with us, but it didn’t work out. So we have her to stay alternative weekends. 

The girls at first decided to stay with their respective Mums.  After a few days, Mum of the younger one realised there was just no way she could fulfil both the expectations of her job in a psychiatric hospital and keeping her daughter safe, stimulated and happy so with a lot of distress; Mum has decided that the little one with come to live with us until the schools go back to normal arrangements.

My eldest daughter who had seemed to be coming out of her last crisis state, although not resorting to her coping mechanism of self harm thank heavens, has had a deterioration in her overall mental health.

Trying to work with the changes to her routine as well as not seeing her favourite person (her boyfriend) because of my health and her boyfriends job (key worker) is really demanding for her and us around her. Restrictions to being able to see her usual understanding doctor, and another doctor not agreeing with the medication she is on currently, has been very stressful just this afternoon.

Personally I am currently dealing with immense amounts of guilt, partly due possibly to my own mental health problems but in no small way because of the implications of covorvirus. It is because of my health problems that my husband is not able to see his eldest daughter, my youngest step daughter’s mother cannot share care of her daughter, and my eldest daughter has to make these extra sacrifices. On top of this I’m trying to educate my two other children who are at very different stages in education. No mean feat I assure you!

I had a couple of days where my sleep was non existent, and my anxiety sky high, this resulted in a serious panic attack on waking up. I do already take citalopram to support my mental health, so I considered an increase of medication but after considerable thought I don’t want the side effects of adjusting to a new dose and I’m also feeling the ‘we’re all in this together’ vibe over social media.

So what I am using to support my mental health amidst corona panic?

• Planning.

– I’ve organised for my children to spend next week with their father, step mother and little sister, so I can enjoy the postive side to self isolation. I’m an avid reader and I also like to write creatively, which is difficult with so many people around.
– I’ve worked out a lesson schedule, also adding my children’s learning platforms ‘Microsoft teams and Google classrooms’ to my phone/tablet.
– I’ve also ordered easier versions of books that I enjoy and that relate to the childrens learning, so I can share them with my little one who is exploring Victorian England (Alice in Wonderland/Oliver Twist) and my middle one who is studying Shakespeare (Much Ado about Nothing)

•Spirituality

I have less time to myself so I’ve started to explore my pagan roots with the younger children, this week we’ve attempted a therapeutic drum circle and I’ve explained how they work. 

• Time out for activities that are just fun!

I take time out in another room to play dragon vale (a game on my phone). No stress, no expectations…simple and achievable. Download on Google Play or I player.

• Connection

Staying connected even now when it is a virtual connection rather than a physical one. My husband is video messaging his daughter, my children their father and I stay in regular contact with my mother and sister by this means too.

• Self Care

Having the extra time as a family has meant I can cook without the same haste as normal. This extra time means I can focus on cooking from scratch and showing the children how meals are made. We are also sticking to a routine of getting up, washed, and dressed with periods of study as well as activity and fun. But we now get to change back into our pyjamas if we feel like it as well 😂!

All in all I feel the coronavirus is bound to bring up difficult emotions, for us all. So knowing that these emotions are normal, we all need to deal with them the best way we can. This is essential.

We’re also making history!

I personally believe that good can come out of this situation too. Less fuel emissions as we cut down travel, personally focusing on family life not just work, realising who in our society are actually essential to the infrastructure (clue – it’s not people with the big bucks that we can’t do without right now! ), less discrimination for people needing to use the welfare system (as lots more of us will need that lifeline). Hopefully a new awareness of supporting the vulnerable as a society not just as individuals will emerge?

Anxiety – Tackling Comfort Zones. Softly softly catchy monkey.

Anyone that has been living with or fighting an anxiety issue, would probably be aware of a part of your recovery plan that is focused on comfort zones. I felt like blogging on the subject right now as I’m currently sat on a platform in Bristol Temple Meads, it probably doesn’t sound much to the more adventurous of you lot and wouldn’t have sounded like anything to a 14 year old invincible me either! But right now under the surface of the quirky middle aged woman there is the subsiding of a heightened fear emotion giving way to a small element of self worth. Do you know what? I fought anxiety today and I won! Which has left me pondering on how is the most useful way of tackling the comfort zones that anxiety restricts us into, lurking by as we move silently and progressively into a smaller box than we used to inhabit in years gone by?

Teenaged me jumped on and off public transport without a care in the world, places to go and people to see and all that. I’m unsure when it was that young me was smothered under the trials of life but it had happened before my twenties were out. I am also definitely one of those people that is so adept at wearing a metaphorical mask, that many won’t be aware of my own personal mental health journey only my fascination with psychology and my desire to support others who are struggling with that aspect of their own lives in a holistic way.

I’m currently working for Second Step mental health services in an unpaid position, with the sincere hope of securing paid work; where my passion lies. After fourteen years in retail, a fair bit of studying and now volunteering, it’s a case of working hard to successfully change career direction. Anyway so a group facilitator volunteer position was offered, and started; mandatory online training completed; my colleague then informed me of the dates of more specialised face to face training.

After two plus years of college courses, a short lived job in a secondary school and an unsuccessful stint of building my own sex toy business, it would be fair to say that I don’t have any issues meeting new people and getting chatting. I’m one of those nerds that loves to take whatever courses I can find that don’t cost me too much to do! So plenty of practice, an avid psychological interest in human nature and a tendency to chat the ears of anyone who listens means that meeting new folk doesn’t bother me. So what’s the problem? Well Second Step is based in Bristol and I am…well I’m not! I will need to get myself where I need to be, facing a bigger train station and using my sense of direction (one of my less developed skills) to then get me to the city based building I need to be in! At 9.30 after the smallest family member has gone to breakfast club!

I’m also really short so this is my view on rush hour at the train station!

So with plenty of time (green tick for good planning and a lift to the train station from my long suffering husband) I got on a busy (I don’t like busy, I’m a country girl!) bigger than normal train going in a different direction from my normal routes. Heart beating a fair bit faster, and clutching my life saving phone with the trainline app and Google maps staring out from my screen, plus my husband writing on the messenger screen a number of postive messages, I found it wasn’t that tough and that I have in fact ‘got this’ .

Finding my destination early securing an iced latte from a hip (sorry I’m getting old) little coffee shop, who delivered the goods with my name on it and a smile!! I was sat outside where I need to be, writing some musings in one of my special books. Happy days!

A bit of factual info for those are interested. It is thought that stepping out of your comfort zones, will eventually reduce anxiety so that’s why it it often included in a anxiety reducing pathway. Exposure to the feelings of fear, tension gives you the opportunity of…

1. Getting used to experiencing and thus learning to control these normal emotions that are present in us all.

2. Putting a postive spin on perceived ‘negative emotions’. I.e this uncomfortable feeling gives me highented adrenaline so I can achieve what I’m trying to achieve today.

3. Expanding your life from the basic human existence into a life well lived. Exploring new hobbies, new places, making new connections and so on.

I personally feel, to utilise the comfort zone theory, it’s a case of little and often. You don’t need to sky dive if you don’t fancy it but doing a little bit of something new regularly, works towards a life well lived even with supporting an anxiety issue.

So you see… I’m edgy now, who would know I’m not a city slicker! 😉

Kara 1 Anxiety 0. Take that life goals!

Feel good coffee from the people that know your name.

#whatmakesmewell #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness

My contribution to Second Step’s mental health awareness campaign. How about you peeps, what makes you well?

As a volunteer for Second Step mental health organisation I’m exploring the #whatmakesmewell mental health campaign, a smart campaign to raise mental health awareness. I warn you though as an amateur writer I still find it difficult to get what I’m trying to say over to the reader in a direct and short format. I usually use a lot of words and also creative expression to explore themes further, sometimes poetry or on less descriptive days… memes!

Anyway, here goes, #whatmakesmewell or possibly #whatkeepsmewell for me is a combination of looking within my soul introspectively but also pausing life occasionally to look outside myself to view the bigger picture.

I have received counselling through the NHS as well as studied counselling skills from a practitioner’s perspective. When the harder days hit, I still like to combine one of my enduring hobbies; reading but with self-help/counselling and therapeutic approaches books. I like to explore different psychological approaches to life’s challenges, and to people’s behaviour.

I also subscribe to the school of thought that balance in life keeps us well so alongside my books I practice a form of mindfulness; I spend time in nature be it sitting, walking or kayaking. I stop to watch animals and I feel the healing calmness of being under the moon, I grow plants in the garden and look for messages in my dreams. I have a thirst for the spiritual side of life and this helps me even in the bleakest of moments to look forward, and to build strength.

Overall I believe we need a holistic approach for emotional and mental wellbeing, so once the base needs of a human are met, it’s time for personal growth. How and what varies for us all but a dose of introspection plus an awareness of the bigger picture cannot hinder anyone.